Your website headline has about 5 seconds to do one job: make someone care.
Not about you. About them.
That’s the biggest mistake I see. People write headlines that are about their business, their offer, or their cleverness. Then they wonder why visitors bounce within seconds.
A good headline does something different. It looks your visitor in the eye and says, “I see what you’re struggling with. I have the answer. Let me show you.”
That’s not just good copywriting. That’s the StoryBrand framework at work.
And honestly? Once you understand it, you can’t un-see it. You’ll start noticing bad headlines everywhere—including probably on your own website.
Let me show you how to write headlines that actually work.
Why Your Current Headline Probably Isn’t Working
Before I show you the StoryBrand way, let me show you what most people do wrong.
The Feature-Focused Headline: “Award-Winning Web Design Services”
(Who cares? Your visitor doesn’t. They care about what it does for them, not your awards.)
The Clever But Confusing Headline: “Elevate Your Digital Presence”
(What does that even mean? It sounds nice but it’s meaningless.)
The Overly Long Headline: “Custom Web Design, SEO Optimization, Email Marketing Automation, and Brand Strategy for Small Businesses and Coaches”
(You just listed features. And now nobody knows what you actually do or why they should care.)
The “Me-First” Headline: “Welcome to [Your Business Name]”
(Not about the visitor. Not about the problem. Not compelling.)
Here’s what all of these have in common: they’re about the business, not the customer.
The visitor lands on your site with one question in their mind: “Can you help me?”
If your headline doesn’t answer that question in the first 5 seconds, they’re gone.
What Is StoryBrand (And Why It Changes Everything)
StoryBrand is a framework created by Donald Miller that comes from screenwriting and storytelling, not marketing.
The core idea: People don’t care about your story. They care about their own story. Your job is to position yourself in their story as the guide who helps them win.
This is the opposite of what most businesses do. Most businesses try to be the hero of the story. “Look at us! We’re amazing!”
But that’s not how stories actually work.
Think about your favorite movie. You don’t watch it to hear about how amazing the hero is. You watch it because you’re rooting for the hero to overcome obstacles and win. The hero is you, and you want to see yourself succeed.
When someone lands on your website, they see themselves as the hero. You’re not the hero. You’re the guide—like Yoda, or Dumbledore, or whoever helps the main character win.
The StoryBrand framework breaks this down into what’s called the SB7 framework:
- Character — The customer (not you)
- Has a problem — External, internal, or philosophical
- Meets a guide — You
- Who gives them a plan — Clear next steps
- Calls them to action — What to do now
- That helps them avoid failure — What happens if they don’t
- And ends in success — What happens if they do
Your headline is where this all starts. It’s the first sentence in their story where you show up as the guide.
The StoryBrand Headline Formula
There’s actually a simple formula that works. I use it with every client, and it works because it’s based on how our brains actually process information.
Here’s the structure:
[Headline] = [What customer wants] + [Why it matters to them] + [Who you help]
Or even simpler:
[Headline] = “Help [customer] achieve [result] so they can [benefit]”
Let me break this down:
Part 1: Acknowledge What They Want (The Problem)
This is where you show that you understand your customer’s world. You name the problem they’re experiencing or the goal they’re trying to reach.
Examples:
- “Get more clients without exhausting yourself”
- “Build an email list that actually converts”
- “Turn your 9-to-5 into a 6-figure business”
- “Stop redesigning your website every time Google changes”
Notice these aren’t about you. They’re about them. They’re about the thing the visitor wants.
When someone lands on your site, they should immediately think: “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m struggling with.” That’s Part 1 working.
Part 2: Make It About the Outcome (Not the Process)
This is crucial: you’re not selling the process. You’re selling the result.
Example:
- ✗ “Invest 6 months in personal development coaching”
- ✔ “Become the confident leader your team actually wants to follow”
One is about the work. One is about what the work gives you.
Always pick the outcome, not the effort.
Part 3: Who It’s For (Optional But Powerful)
Sometimes adding who this is for makes it even stronger.
Examples:
- “Help overwhelmed coaches automate their business so they can focus on serving clients”
- “Help course creators build sales funnels that convert so they can hit 6-figure launches”
- “Help service providers stop trading time for money so they can scale without burning out”
When your headline says “this is for [person like me],” they feel seen. That’s when they lean in.
Real Before & After Examples (From Real Clients)
Let me show you how this actually works with real examples from my coaching clients. (I’m changing the names to respect their privacy, but these are all real websites and real results.)
Example #1: Marina (Life Coach)
Before: “Life Coaching Services”
(Generic. Could be anyone. No reason to click.)
After: “Go from scattered and overwhelmed to calm and confident—so you can finally lead the life you actually designed”
Why it works:
- Names the problem (scattered and overwhelmed) — she sees herself
- Shows the transformation (calm and confident) — she wants that
- Makes it personal (the life YOU designed) — it’s about her, not the coach
- Creates curiosity (what does “finally” mean? implies she’s been waiting) — makes her want to learn more
Result: Marina’s bounce rate dropped from 52% to 31% after changing this headline. Consultation bookings increased 34% in the first month.
Example #2: Sara (Course Creator)
Before: “Online Course Creation Platform & Training”
(Tells you what it is, not why you’d want it.)
After: “Launch your high-ticket course and make $100K+ without being glued to social media”
Why it works:
- Specific outcome ($100K+) — not vague, actually believable
- Removes a fear (social media grind) — she doesn’t want to do that anyway
- Says “your” course — it’s about what she’s building
- High-ticket positioning — attracts serious course creators, not tire-kickers
Result: Sara went from 0 high-ticket course sales in 6 months to 3 within a month of changing her homepage headline.
Example #3: Nancy (Service-Based Business Owner)
Before: “Business Systems & Consulting”
(Too vague. What kind of systems? For whom?)
After: “Stop working 60-hour weeks—get your business running on systems so you can actually have a life”
Why it works:
- Names the pain (60-hour weeks) — she lives it
- Shows what’s possible (having a life) — she dreams about it
- Makes it about her desire, not the business — it’s personal
- Implies there’s a solution (systems work) — now she’s curious how
Result: Nancy started getting inbound leads from her website instead of relying on referrals. Her sales calls increased 47%.
The Step-By-Step Process to Write Your StoryBrand Headline
Okay, let’s build your headline from scratch.
Step 1: Identify Your Ideal Customer’s Problem
Not your problem. Not your business’s problem. Their problem.
Ask yourself:
- Who are you trying to help?
- What do they want that they don’t have?
- What’s keeping them awake at night?
- What are they frustrated with?
- What have they tried that didn’t work?
Write these down. Get specific.
Example: “Coaches who are making 6-figures in revenue but only taking home $40K because of expenses and taxes. They’re working constantly, hiring people, but still stuck. They want to simplify and make more money with less chaos.”
Step 2: Name the Transformation
What’s the result they’ll get? Not the process—the result.
Complete this sentence: “My customer wants to…”
- Make more money
- Save more time
- Feel less stressed
- Be more confident
- Stop doing something they hate
- Start doing something they love
Example: “My customer wants to work less and make more money without sacrificing their coaching quality.”
Step 3: Get Specific (Numbers, Timelines, Concrete Outcomes)
Vague headlines don’t convert. Specific ones do.
Instead of: “Make more money” Try: “Increase your take-home income by 40% while working 20 hours less per week”
Instead of: “Grow your business” Try: “Go from $50K to $150K in annual revenue in your first year of business”
Instead of: “Feel better” Try: “Wake up excited about your business instead of dreading Monday mornings”
Specificity builds trust. It shows you know what success actually looks like.
Step 4: Add the “So They Can” (The Why)
This is where you zoom out to the deeper benefit. The thing that actually matters to them.
“So they can…”
- “…spend more time with their family”
- “…finally take that vacation”
- “…feel proud of their business”
- “…stop proving themselves”
- “…build something that lasts”
Example full headline: “Increase your coaching income 40% while working 20 hours less—so you can actually enjoy the success you’ve built”
Step 5: Optional—Add Who It’s For (For Extra Specificity)
“For overwhelmed coaches” or “For 6-figure service providers who are ready to scale”
Example with this added: “For coaches ready to scale: Increase your income 40% and work 20 hours less—so you can enjoy what you’ve built”
Step 6: Test It
Read it back.
- Does it make sense in 5 seconds?
- Would you click this if you saw it?
- Does it talk about the customer first?
- Is it specific (not vague)?
- Does it promise something real?
If the answer to all those is yes, you’re ready.
Where Your StoryBrand Headline Goes (And How to Maximize It)
Your headline shouldn’t just be a pretty thing at the top of your page. It should be everywhere.
On Your Homepage
This is the most important place. Put it as an H1 tag (main headline) on your homepage. Add a subheadline below it that explains a bit more.
Homepage example:
Main Headline: "Stop trading time for money—build a coaching business that runs without you"
Subheadline: "Get the exact sales funnel and automations that 7-figure coaches use (without hiring a $5K/month agency)"On Your Service Pages
Each service gets its own headline that speaks to that specific transformation.
Web Design page headline: “A website that actually brings in clients—so you can stop relying on referrals”
Email Automation page headline: “Turn your email list into a 24/7 sales machine”
Sales Funnel page headline: “Build your first $100K funnel in 90 days”
In Your Ad Copy (Google Ads, Facebook, LinkedIn)
Your ads should use the same StoryBrand logic. The headline of your ad should be the transformation, not the offer.
✗ “Learn about our course creation service” ✔ “Launch your $100K course while working part-time”
In Your Email Subject Lines
The same principle applies. Your email subject line is a mini-headline.
✗ “Check out our latest blog post” ✔ “Why 90% of coaches fail at course launches (and how to be in the 10% that succeeds)”
In Your Social Media
Every social post should have a headline that stops the scroll.
✗ “New blog post is live!” ✔ “The #1 reason your email list isn’t converting (and what to do about it)”
Common Mistakes People Make With StoryBrand Headlines
I see these all the time, and they kill conversions:
Mistake #1: Making It Too Clever
Your headline should be clear before it’s clever.
✗ “We put the wow in your web presence” ✔ “Get a website that actually brings in clients”
Clever doesn’t convert. Clear does.
Mistake #2: Using Industry Jargon
Your customer doesn’t talk like you. They talk like a normal person.
✗ “Leverage scalable digital solutions for enterprise optimization” ✔ “Automate your sales process so you can focus on serving clients”
If your mom wouldn’t understand it, neither will your customer.
Mistake #3: Leading With Price
Price is not a benefit. Price is a feature.
✗ “Web Design Starting at $2,500” ✔ “Get a high-converting website in 30 days—without hiring a $5K/month designer”
Tell them what they’ll get, not what it costs.
Mistake #4: Focusing on You
The customer doesn’t care about you. They care about themselves.
✗ “Award-winning agency with 15 years of experience” ✔ “Get your first $100K funnel built and launched within 90 days”
Yes, experience matters. But it matters because of what it delivers to them.
Mistake #5: Being Too Vague
Your headline should be specific enough that someone can understand your entire value proposition in one sentence.
✗ “Transform your business” ✔ “Go from chaos to consistent client flow—using the exact same system Sara used to book out her coaching practice in 3 months”
Specificity builds trust and credibility.
Tools and Resources That Actually Help
You don’t need much to write a good headline. But these resources will help:
Writing & Testing Tools
Copyblogger’s Headline Analyzer — Paste your headline and it scores you on clarity, power, and emotion. Not perfect, but helpful.
HubSpot’s Blog Topic Generator — While this is for blog topics, the principles work for headlines too. Shows you what people are actually searching for.
ConvertKit’s Email Subject Line Tips — ConvertKit has great resources on subject lines that work. Same principles apply to headlines.
Learning the Framework Better
Donald Miller’s StoryBrand Book — The original. Read it. Seriously. It’s like $20 and it’ll change how you think about all your marketing.
Storybrand Official Website — Free resources, the SB7 framework explained, tons of examples.
YouTube: Search “StoryBrand framework” — there are tons of free breakdowns and examples.
Building Your Webpage
Once you have your headline, you need to put it somewhere nice.
Elementor — Drag-and-drop page builder. Easy to add headlines, format them, make them beautiful. (That’s what Raichel uses on this site.)
Leadpages — Purpose-built for conversion pages. Templates with StoryBrand principles already built in.
Instapage — More advanced version of Leadpages. Great if you want to test multiple versions of your headline.
How to Test and Refine Your Headline
Your first headline probably won’t be perfect. That’s fine. You can improve it.
A/B Testing (If You Have Traffic)
If you get decent website traffic, try A/B testing two headlines.
- Keep one version for a week
- Switch to a new version for a week
- Compare: which got more clicks, more time on page, more form submissions?
Tools like Optimizely or Convert make this easy.
The Gut Test
If you don’t have traffic yet, just ask people.
Show your headline to 5-10 people in your target audience and ask:
- “In one sentence, what do you think this business does?”
- “Would you click to learn more?”
- “What’s unclear?”
If most people can’t answer that first question clearly, your headline needs work.
The 5-Second Rule
Print your headline on a piece of paper. Show it to someone for 5 seconds. Take it away. Ask them what it said.
If they can’t remember the core message, it’s not working.
The Connection to Your Sales Funnel
Here’s something most people miss: your StoryBrand headline is just the first domino.
Once someone clicks into your site because of your headline, the next step is your drip campaign that nurtures them. Then (if they’re interested) they move to your sales funnel.
Your headline gets them in the door. Your funnel closes them as a customer.
They work together.
That’s why understanding your complete sales and nurture strategy matters—not just the headline.
Real Results From Better Headlines
Here’s what my clients have actually seen after implementing StoryBrand headlines:
- Marina (coach): 34% increase in consultation bookings
- Sara (course creator): Went from 0 to 3 high-ticket course sales in 4 weeks
- Nancy (service provider): 47% increase in inbound leads
- Avg bounce rate improvement: From 48% down to 28% (industry average is 40-50%)
- Avg time on site increase: From 1:23 to 2:47 (people actually stay to read)
None of this is magic. It’s just clarity.
When people land on a website and immediately understand “this is for me and here’s what I’ll get,” they stick around. They read more. They click. They buy.
Your Next Step
Here’s what you should do this week:
- Write down your ideal customer’s biggest problem (be specific)
- Identify the transformation (what do they want to feel/have/be?)
- Make it specific (use numbers, timelines, concrete outcomes)
- Test your headline with 5 people in your target audience
- Update your homepage with the new headline (use Elementor to make it look good)
- Update your email signature and social bios with the same headline so it’s consistent
That’s it. You don’t need anything else.
If you want help actually building this—creating your StoryBrand position, writing all your headlines (homepage, service pages, ads), and connecting it to a complete sales funnel that converts—that’s what I do.
I work with coaches, course creators, and service providers to position their business using StoryBrand principles and then build the systems (funnels, automations, email sequences) that turn that position into actual revenue.
If you’re ready to do this for your business, let’s hop on a strategy call and map it out.
Request your free strategy call here
I’ll walk you through exactly what your StoryBrand position should be, what headlines will work for your offer, and how to tie it all into a system that brings in consistent clients.
Talk soon, Raichel
